How Many Generations Does It Take to Escape Abuse?

“A man could, feasibly, sacrifice his coffee break raping a woman. That woman would then spend her entire life dealing with it. So would her daughters. So would theirs. This distribution of power is not acceptable.” — Inga Muscio, Cunt: A Declaration of Independence I think about my mother’s mother. First married at 18 toContinue reading “How Many Generations Does It Take to Escape Abuse?”

Is Softness a Critical (per)Form(ance) of Femininity?

In Kathleen McHugh and Lisa Duggan’s 1996 Femme-inist Manifesto, they wrote: “Fem(me) science questions the dignity and wisdom of anyone who would wear pink without irony, or a floral print without murderous or seditious designs.” Of course, some of us unironically wear pink and/or floral — an arguably “soft” aesthetic. Does this mean we areContinue reading “Is Softness a Critical (per)Form(ance) of Femininity?”

The Future is Soft: On Soft Femme, Hard Femme, and Femme Theory

Sometimes when I talk about softness, emotions, earnestness, and vulnerability I’m talking about them as a reaction to what I see as the privileging of hardness, irony, and lack of emotion. Softness is part of femme for me, so sometimes I talk about soft femme in relation to hard femme. I have been asked ifContinue reading “The Future is Soft: On Soft Femme, Hard Femme, and Femme Theory”

What I Mean When I Talk About Softness

When I talk about softness I’m talking about vulnerability, openness, and flexibility. I mean soft like breathable fabric in summer. I mean soft like ripples on the lake. I mean noticing your reaction, how you feel. I mean acknowledging emotions. I mean admitting when you are hurt and that things hurt you. I mean usingContinue reading “What I Mean When I Talk About Softness”

In Defense of Summer (And Manic Pixie Dream Girls everywhere)

The writer behind the term “Manic Pixie Dream Girl” called for us all to stop using the phrase, and even apologized for ever inventing it, in a recent Salon article. Nathan Rabin first used the phrase to describe the sexism inherent in writing Elizabethtown’s character Claire, but now sees the term spinning out of control.Continue reading “In Defense of Summer (And Manic Pixie Dream Girls everywhere)”

I can almost forget about “13 Going on 30″…

After a seven month hiatus, I recently returned to my home town and was able to enjoy all the perks of life at home: nothing I ate came from the microwave, for once my bank account gained some rather than lost some, and I had the distinct pleasure of getting my teeth cleaned. Though IContinue reading “I can almost forget about “13 Going on 30″…”

Is it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?

The following are the best questions taken from the “Heterosexual Questionnaire” in Gender in Canada, 4th Edition. Since it is awesome I felt it needed to be re-blogged. The Heterosexual Questionnaire 1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality? 3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?Continue reading “Is it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?”

Good girls do

Guys ‘do it’ all the time, but girls don’t really ‘do it’ that much, my sister told me, carefully tiptoe-ing around the subject of masturbation. I looked at her, thinking she’s 17, into alternative culture and fashion, and will endlessly argue her progressive views about sexual orientation and transgender rights… how can SHE still clingContinue reading “Good girls do