Boys to the Back: On the Subtleties of Male Entitlement

I’ve been writing love letters to mosh pits since I was in high school. But this is not a love letter. There are few things I love more than thrashing around at shows with my friends. This feels like the whole point of having a body, the best part of being material. We all become newContinue reading “Boys to the Back: On the Subtleties of Male Entitlement”

A Death Drive Toward Life? Or, Fun Fact: All My Planets Are In the 6th and 8th Houses

I almost flunked grade four because I couldn’t finish Tuck Everlasting. The book terrified me. The main character Winnie (later played by Alexis Bledel—I heard, I couldn’t watch the movie) was given the choice to live forever, or continue to age, live a human life of growth, love and loss, and, yes, eventually die. WinnieContinue reading “A Death Drive Toward Life? Or, Fun Fact: All My Planets Are In the 6th and 8th Houses”

Dating Men is a Public Service That Men Don’t Deserve, But Women Do

This is a post about rape. * * * * I keep in casual contact with a dude I dated a year ago. A few weeks ago he revealed that he was having a “terrible” week. He said he wanted to tell me what was going on with him because he wasn’t sure I wouldContinue reading “Dating Men is a Public Service That Men Don’t Deserve, But Women Do”

How Many Generations Does It Take to Escape Abuse?

“A man could, feasibly, sacrifice his coffee break raping a woman. That woman would then spend her entire life dealing with it. So would her daughters. So would theirs. This distribution of power is not acceptable.” — Inga Muscio, Cunt: A Declaration of Independence I think about my mother’s mother. First married at 18 toContinue reading “How Many Generations Does It Take to Escape Abuse?”

Disposable Women: Some Thoughts on Bowie, My Dad, and Sexualizing Young Girls

I remember walking through the mall with my dad (age 55) and he made some comment to me about a girl in short shorts. The girl must have been about 17 and yet my dad saw no problem with his leering at her legs (and making a sexual comment about them to me, his daughterContinue reading “Disposable Women: Some Thoughts on Bowie, My Dad, and Sexualizing Young Girls”

I Want a Comedy of Love: Yearning for Femme Healing, For a Soft Place to Rest

I’m tired of comedy that relies on making some specific person look stupid, gross, weird, other. I’m tired of your edgy, alienating sarcasm. I’ve never much cared to have a friend that makes “good-natured” digs at me, that tries to get a laugh at my expense. My sister once told me she hates watching TheContinue reading “I Want a Comedy of Love: Yearning for Femme Healing, For a Soft Place to Rest”

Ho, Ho, Ho… Misogyny is Always in Season

…or “That’s Right, Even the Flu Does Not Get You A “Pass” on Sexism During the winter holidays, like many of us, I had fallen ill. Because my fridge most often contains only salad dressing, barbecue sauce, and cat food, I dragged my snotty, sleepy body out of bed and schlepped up to a cafeContinue reading “Ho, Ho, Ho… Misogyny is Always in Season”

It’s Hard Out Here For a Femme

Some of us cringe when we use qualifiers to explain our femme identity, or cringe when we try to drop the qualifier, knowing how it sounds to most other people. I know saying “I’m femme, but…” or using labels like “hard femme” or “aggressive femme” feels good for some femmes, but for me it always justContinue reading “It’s Hard Out Here For a Femme”

This Misogynist Moment I: She’s a Cool Girl

This Misogynist Moment (So Different and So New): A Collection of Moments When I Realized Men in My Life Are Misogynist One. I was at my friend’s house hanging out with a mixed-gender group of friends. Another friend was on their way over to join our rowdy game of cards and drinking, and my (cisContinue reading “This Misogynist Moment I: She’s a Cool Girl”