A Death Drive Toward Life? Or, Fun Fact: All My Planets Are In the 6th and 8th Houses

I almost flunked grade four because I couldn’t finish Tuck Everlasting. The book terrified me. The main character Winnie (later played by Alexis Bledel—I heard, I couldn’t watch the movie) was given the choice to live forever, or continue to age, live a human life of growth, love and loss, and, yes, eventually die. WinnieContinue reading “A Death Drive Toward Life? Or, Fun Fact: All My Planets Are In the 6th and 8th Houses”

Bisexual and Ambivalent!: A Queer Worrier and her Queer Worries

My friend once called me out for posting a spate of ~misandrist~ content. She said she was trying to determine whether I had recently killed a man, or if was really happy with one. I was really happy with one. She assured me that she, too, “flexed her misandry muscles” the most when she wasContinue reading “Bisexual and Ambivalent!: A Queer Worrier and her Queer Worries”

Feminine Appetites (2017)

“A cultural fixation on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty but an obsession about female obedience.” — Naomi Wolf in The Beauty Myth   “Let us break the tie with food and look at the metaphor: hungering… voracious… extravagantly and excessively needful… without restraint… always wanting… always wanting too much affection, reassurance, emotional andContinue reading “Feminine Appetites (2017)”

Dating Men is a Public Service That Men Don’t Deserve, But Women Do

This is a post about rape. * * * * I keep in casual contact with a dude I dated a year ago. A few weeks ago he revealed that he was having a “terrible” week. He said he wanted to tell me what was going on with him because he wasn’t sure I wouldContinue reading “Dating Men is a Public Service That Men Don’t Deserve, But Women Do”

How Many Generations Does It Take to Escape Abuse?

“A man could, feasibly, sacrifice his coffee break raping a woman. That woman would then spend her entire life dealing with it. So would her daughters. So would theirs. This distribution of power is not acceptable.” — Inga Muscio, Cunt: A Declaration of Independence I think about my mother’s mother. First married at 18 toContinue reading “How Many Generations Does It Take to Escape Abuse?”

Is Softness a Critical (per)Form(ance) of Femininity?

In Kathleen McHugh and Lisa Duggan’s 1996 Femme-inist Manifesto, they wrote: “Fem(me) science questions the dignity and wisdom of anyone who would wear pink without irony, or a floral print without murderous or seditious designs.” Of course, some of us unironically wear pink and/or floral — an arguably “soft” aesthetic. Does this mean we areContinue reading “Is Softness a Critical (per)Form(ance) of Femininity?”

The Future is Soft: On Soft Femme, Hard Femme, and Femme Theory

Sometimes when I talk about softness, emotions, earnestness, and vulnerability I’m talking about them as a reaction to what I see as the privileging of hardness, irony, and lack of emotion. Softness is part of femme for me, so sometimes I talk about soft femme in relation to hard femme. I have been asked ifContinue reading “The Future is Soft: On Soft Femme, Hard Femme, and Femme Theory”

What I Mean When I Talk About Softness

When I talk about softness I’m talking about vulnerability, openness, and flexibility. I mean soft like breathable fabric in summer. I mean soft like ripples on the lake. I mean noticing your reaction, how you feel. I mean acknowledging emotions. I mean admitting when you are hurt and that things hurt you. I mean usingContinue reading “What I Mean When I Talk About Softness”

Broken Pencil Death Match: Louisa

“Tonight we’re going to a party, and by ‘we’ I mean everyone. I know because I’ve been tracking the Facebook guest list. And maybe a few individual profiles. It’s going to be fun, I silently assure myself that night, when I’m back in front of the mirror applying my make-up. I wonder what boring hipsterContinue reading “Broken Pencil Death Match: Louisa”

Colour Coding: Creating Queer Bonds with Nail Art

**The following is a longer version of a femme flagging article I wrote for Shameless magazine. Check out the Shameless version, “Flag ‘Em Down” (and another story of mine!) in the Alternative Beauty issue, Winter 2015.**  Through history, queer folks have had come up with creative ways to communicate their desires. In the 1970s, gayContinue reading “Colour Coding: Creating Queer Bonds with Nail Art”