I’m tired of comedy that relies on making some specific person look stupid, gross, weird, other. I’m tired of your edgy, alienating sarcasm.
I’ve never much cared to have a friend that makes “good-natured” digs at me, that tries to get a laugh at my expense.
My sister once told me she hates watching The Big Bang Theory because the whole premise of the show is to laugh at the nerdy, awkwardness of the main characters.
Why do we think it’s so funny to hate each other? To point out each other’s flaws, or marginality?
I am so very tired of being unable to sustain a casual conversation with my coworkers without some snarky interjection passed off as a joke. Of being called a “crazy cat lady” or being told I dance “like a baby.”
I’m yearning for gentleness. For smiles. For a friend. For connection. To be folded in, to be welcomed. To be appreciated, in all of my softness. To laugh out of joy, not out of bitterness. I want a comedy of love, not hate.
I’m tired of battling my way through daily interactions. I’m tired of being interrupted, of fighting for space, arguing for care. Of trying to keep up with your snark. I feel like a tennis player running around the court, trying to anticipate the direction of your hits and lobby them back with ease.
It’s exhausting moving through this world as a femme, as a queer, as a feminist. As someone whose daily (femme) labour means carrying other creatures with her. The world is ragged and is making me ragged, and I’m looking for a soft place to land.
I want a laugh that feels good, that I can feel good about. And I want to find some soft creatures like me that want to laugh at some softness, too. That want to put off hardness just another moment longer, and appreciate our softness together.